I think "self help" is an interesting term for the genre - like many things it's now been infiltrated with tomes that are perhaps the very opposite of helpful. It's a subjective thing, of course. "Self help" is, I suppose, a useful general term. It encompasses a great deal and is accurate in several ways - the aim of most books that fall within the genre surely must be to arm the reader with some knowledge but ultimately some inspiration to help themselves and take responsibility for themselves and their lives - but for the books that might fall into this genre that I really love I prefer to use the term "books for the soul". I think that more accurately reflects their value to me.
So, I'm going to do a little series on here on my favourite "books for the soul", hopefully somewhat regularly (!), where each post will be a brief spotlight on a book I've enjoyed that has illuminated me, inspired me, provided comfort and wisdom when I've needed it and maybe even cemented a few things I've learned about life too. It won't necessarily be a "self help" or "new age" book....it might be a memoir, a graphic novel, a book of poems....because that's the wonderful thing about books. All genres have the power to entertain, uplift, comfort and inspire.
I'm going to start with this one....
Although the central character's name is spelled differently to mine (it is very weird seeing it spelled that way, no offence to any Phillipas reading), this is a quirky heartbreaking story that's also very relatable if you've had one too many bad relationships.
It's a gentle exploration of what goes through a woman's mind as she negotiates the debris of her romantic life. As Phillipa finally reaches breaking point, she goes to a Purgatory-like place where she observes her relationship history and her various disappointments and mourns the loss of the confident, idealistic woman she once was, when she still had hope and believed in true love. Her search for it beat any remaining zest for life out of her and she now lives like a ghost. Until....
".....help came in the most unexpected form: a bigger, more splendid version of herself as she used to be before her first heart's disappointment. This forgotten self flew Phillipa out of the waiting room to a location above the theatre of her own personal drama.
Phillipa looked down on her past from a place far removed, and for the first time saw a collection of human beings who had been looking for love, just like her, making mistakes, just like her, and hoping for something better, just like her.
As Phillipa floated above her lost loves, they suddenly looked harmless and strangely innocent. It occurred to Phillipa at that moment, that eventually all we are really left with is our own reflection. [...]
Suddenly her inner coping structure collapsed and she allowed a dam of tears to break free, and all the long denied feelings, good and bad, gushed out. [...]
At that moment, it occurred to Phillipa that she was free."
(the emphases are mine, by the way!)
It's a beautiful book and it really spoke to me. I could have used its gentle warmth and humour quite a few years ago! If you're a sensitive, trusting person who just wants to love and be loved it's very easy to just get so hurt when other people treat you badly - not just in romantic relationships but in friendships too. It's very easy to let the person who has hurt you have all the power. You don't realise that you actually have a choice to wallow in the hurt and the betrayal or to let it go, a little scarred perhaps but stronger in the broken places.
My mantra these days, for a lot of things in life, is pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. So whatever pain might be dished out to me, I choose (well, try very hard to at least!) not to suffer, wherever possible.
This book is a lovely reminder of that. And I love the drawings too!
You can also watch an animated version of this story, where Emma Magenta's beautiful illustrations are brought to life and narrated by Toni Collette here. Highly recommended!
Emma Magenta
The gradual demise of Phillipa Finch: a journey through the trials of love to happiness and freedom (and it's ON SALE at Booktopia for AU$ 3.95 at time of writing!!)
Do you have a favourite "book for the soul"? Stay tuned for my next pick.