On Monday afternoon, I lugged a giant suitcase and backpack home from Gatwick Airport , through the arteries of London ’s underground and on to the National Rail. The extra weight was debilitating and left me feeling slow and tired. Interestingly, thanks to weighing and checking the bags in as I left Reykjavik , I discovered that the combined weight of the suitcase and backpack was 27.5kg.
Exactly the amount of weight I lost seven years ago. Today actually, to the day. A coincidence, I wondered? Possibly not. But no wonder I was exhausted!
It’s strange to think that that one decision I made, on 25April 2005, and all the phenomenal change that followed it, was the best part of a decade ago now. In many ways I feel every one of those eight years – it does seem a very, very long time ago now, almost like it happened to someone else – and yet it feels like no time at all. I still marvel that, not that long ago, my life was completely different.
I hate to think where I might be right now had I taken another path. Had I remained oblivious to how much power I actually had to be the architect of my own destiny; had I kept telling myself I didn’t deserve the things in life I desperately wanted; had I not stepped up in that moment, staring very clearly into the future I would have if things never changed, and the glimmer of hope of how life could be if they did.
I had no way of knowing what would happen because of something so simple, something I had in fact attempted to do countless times before – lose some weight and get my health under control. It turned out it was a doorway into everything else that was possible in my life if I stopped making excuses, stopped giving up every time something got hard and started believing in myself.
I must emphasise that losing weight will not automatically make you happy, far from it. Not everyone is unhappy being overweight….but I was. And in actual fact, I wasn’t unhappy because I was overweight, I was overweight because I was unhappy. And realising that was what made all the difference. If being happy was my goal, then everything else was just a bonus.
Was I scared? Maybe not at first but as time went on I certainly was. Sometimes I still am. It’s all very well to see your problems and situation in the harsh light of day but where do you go from there? At the start of a very long road, the thought of taking even one step is terrifying. By being aware of what is holding you back, taking steps to do something about it means change. Changing your life. And not everything in your old life will survive the journey to the new one. That’s definitely a good thing. They get replaced with better things. Fear gets replaced with strength. Excuses get replaced with goals. Self loathing gets replaced with self respect. Lies get replaced with the truth. And mundane everyday life gets replaced with adventure!
Even now I’m still not sure what it was, but in that moment, on 25 April 2005, something in me snapped. Suddenly, the sadness, self-pity and frustration at being so far from where I wanted to be just vanished. I finally realised that would get me nowhere. I needed a plan. I needed to be positive. I was fucked if I was going to spend another minute of my life dissatisfied, broken-hearted, bored, negative, frightened and in the corner. All of that had to change. The only way I was going to get what I wanted was if I started, right then that very second, and didn’t stop.
Normally, seeing 103.5kg on the scale would have sent me into a spiral of depression, feeling useless and hopeless, wondering what on earth was the point, and my emotional GPS would have sent me straight to the freezer for a 4 litre tub of ice-cream. But this time it was different. It wasn’t a moment to feel depressed. It was actually a moment to celebrate. Little did I know what I’d started.
So friends, I urge you, whatever your goals are in life, run towards them. Run towards your brightest, best life. Don’t leave it another minute. Start running, keep going and don’t stop.
Whatever might have happened to you up to now, whatever decisions or mistakes you might have made, whatever unhelpful beliefs or behaviours you might have, don’t worry. Just draw a line. Today is a brand new start. Right now. Don’t beat yourself up about the past. Use it only as a measure of how bloody far you’ve come.
No situation is ever hopeless. You’d be surprised how much change can come about just from making one small decision. I am living proof of it.