It's rather amusing to think that I've had a blog with the words Skinny Latte in it since 2005 and I've never owned a coffee machine. Until Sunday!
After my most enlightening tutorial with my mate Bill on how to make a skinny latte back in January, I'd not had much of a chance to put those new skills into practice. When we returned to the UK, Tom thought it might be a nice idea to get a coffee machine, seeing we both like it and, having curtailed nearly every other luxury in our lives so I could knuckle down and get on with The Book, it seemed like a small concession that would bring much joy. But I said no, we couldn't afford it. We would make do with our IKEA plunger with the tiny hole in it.
For most of this year I've been in self-flagellating mode, working myself to the bone and then beating myself up over every rejection, every investment of time and energy that hasn't paid off, every missed run, and every tasteless cup of coffee. I was under no illusion that this new life would be easy but I've certainly not done a great deal to help myself make the hard days a bit easier.
But then I read something wonderful on Friday. I took a lot away from it but overwhelmingly the message was clear. In any business, but particularly a creative enterprise where you have to give so much of yourself, you need to feel comfortable, you need to be getting something in return even if it's something very small. What's wrong with a few comforts? It can't all be sacrifice, beans-on-toast by candlelight kind of stuff. Not all gratification needs to be deferred.
By the time I got to the line about buying yourself some flowers just because you want them, I was sniffling.
A lot of bloggers have written about self care being more than just taking a bubble bath and I agree, wholeheartedly. I even think it's more than just placating yourself with material things too...but, on the odd occasion, what the hell is wrong with getting something that perhaps you don't need but that you just want? When you have been counting your pennies until they are shiny with wear, when you've been buying all your books and CDs second-hand, patched up holes in your jeans instead of buying new ones and been so damn careful about turning off lights and only doing your laundry at night but the electric bill has gone up anyway (grr).....just having something that is new, that is exciting, and that is there in your home purely because you just wanted it, is such a boost. I had completely underestimated what a difference allowing yourself a bit of pleasure makes. My mindset has been very different since.
And that first cup of coffee was the best coffee I've ever had.